We self-diagnose on WebMD and plan our funerals by lunch – Paperback

What happens when a simple headache turns into a terminal diagnosis before breakfast, and a harmless stomachache has you planning your funeral by lunch? Meet Peter Ellis, a thirty-nine-year-old husband, father, and professional overthinker whose greatest talent is turning everyday aches and pains into medical emergencies. Armed with WebMD, an overactive imagination, and a browser history that would concern any physician, Peter navigates life convinced that his next symptom could be his last. But when an ordinary morning of self-diagnosis leads to an elaborate funeral spreadsheet that accidentally becomes an office sensation, Peter discovers that worrying about death can create some hilariously unexpected consequences.

As Peter’s obsession with his health begins affecting his marriage, friendships, and relationship with his young daughter, he is forced to confront the uncomfortable truth behind his constant fear. Haunted by his father’s death and desperate to protect the people he loves, Peter struggles to distinguish genuine danger from the frightening stories his mind creates. Along the way, an unexpected medical crisis involving his best friend, difficult family revelations, and a series of painfully funny encounters challenge everything he believes about control, consciousness, and the connection between his thoughts, emotions, and physical experiences. What begins as a ridiculous battle with internet symptom checkers gradually becomes a deeply human journey through grief, love, uncertainty, and self-discovery.

We self-diagnose on WebMD and plan our funerals by lunch. is a witty, emotionally engaging, and thought-provoking story about the absurd lengths we go to when trying to outrun the inevitable. Blending dark humor, psychological insight, relatable family struggles, and surprising moments of tenderness, this unforgettable tale explores what happens when the fear of dying becomes the biggest obstacle to truly living. Perfect for readers who have ever Googled a harmless symptom and immediately regretted it, this book delivers laughter, heartfelt reflection, and a powerful reminder that life was never meant to be spent preparing for its ending. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is put down the phone, embrace the uncertainty, and enjoy the ordinary moments happening right in front of us.